Sunday, February 17, 2013

Butter Fingers at the Appropriate Moments

I am eating popcorn at this moment, to explain the title

Yes, yes, this is all looking oh so promising an endeavor for me to update this twice in one evening. However, I am claiming my previous post merely introduction, and quit getting distracted by Mr Colbert's popcorn-eating habits. 

This has been a rather unproductive day, like most. I have a long-term relationship with my Netflix account and an infatuation with how my thoughts sound in my own head, not to mention a firm plant on my bed from which I find difficulty in removing myself. What did I watch? Ugly Americans, mostly. And the waterfall of posts across FaceBook. I have fed my rather unhealthy addiction to soft drinks and snack food. Perhaps I should also mention I have the body that everyone covets. And I do not mean people want my body. They want their body the more accurately mimic mine. I am slightly over 5 and a half feet tall and hovered around 130 pounds for the past eight years. And I eat like a fucking pig and I'm going to have a heart attack within the next few minutes. 

You keep looking at Stephen Colbert. I don't blame you, chief. You're jealous that he can be so amusing just stuffing his face full of buttery goodness while most likely viewing a picture that was needlessly re-released in 3D for the purpose of more revenue. And it's in an outdated red-blue format of 3D. Seriously, who is so excited to see one of those?

... Point taken, David. 

Actually, I don't remember for sure the last movie I have seen in the theater. As a graduated film major, that bothers me. Actually, now that I think, it was Wreck-It Ralph. And that was in 3D. Say what you will about the format, but I have an actual medical issue with this. If you're familiar with Futurama, there is an episode in one of the new seasons in which Leela and Bender have to go to Pandora (yes, from Avatar) and she can't see anything because the entire planet is rendered in the blue-red 3D color scheme. You don't have to be completely aware of the science behind why this color combination makes the picture pop to realize that is you have only one eye, the 3D effect would be wasted and the overall image will be skewed to near non-recognizable (Welcome to the world of my words). 

Well, my medical condition knocks my left eye's perception so out of whack, that my brain typically ignores what my left eye tells it. So whenever I put on those glasses and sit in the theater, my brain is like "Ho-ho-holy shit! I need to turn that piece of shit back on!" And then I have a headache.

That being said, most 3D films do not need to break free of the second dimension. Hell, some of these movies don't even need to break from the WRITTEN dimension or even the dimension of garbage. But, for some reason, much of the ones that are truly interesting in 3D are fairly poor. Avatar, while a visual spectacle, especially in 3D (which I did not see in 3D unfortunately), had the hackneyed storyline that constantly gets referenced in its reviews and critiques, but it was still a good movie. However, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, despite the fact that I've been a die-hard Transformers fan since childhood, was terrible from a film value, but I would have shelled out the cash to see that pop out more. But there are those that just don't need it. Mainly, flat-drawn cartoons like the old Disney movies they've decided to re-release to distract from an overall disappointing lineup as of late.

Oh well, Monsters' University is coming up soon, so that's something to look forward to, despite the fact that Mike Wazowski, Leela, and I are all in the same frustration station with 3D. 

But, who knows, maybe the 3D technology may improve more. The Nintendo 3DS may be a a dipped toe, but it's movement into the right pond. While the following images will never be applicable in a video format, but this is a cool little example of 3D images.
So here is a fantastic example of the processes of my attention. I started this entire long post mentioning my day, and it moved into popcorn and an impromptu rant about 3D films. Expect rants like this maybe. And more goofy pictures as a conclusion.
Sincerely, with distrust and No-Bake cookies

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